MORE BABIES!

from the book Baby Born 1998 by Chih-Wei Chang 

WEAR YOUR BABY!

When a baby is born, he* is not ‘spit’ out of an assembly line ready to be an independent little person; quite the opposite. He expects a continuum of the life he has been living for the past nine months. From the previous chapters we know he is fresh from a series of expectations and their fulfillments in the womb. The newborn is expectant, or more accurately, certain that his next requirements will also be met. Through tens of millions of generations, what happens is the momentous transfer from the entirely alive surrounding inside the mother’s body to a partly live one outside it. Though her all-giving body is there and her supporting arms as well, there is a great deal of lifeless, alien air touching the infant’s body. But he is ready for that too; his place in arms is the expected place, known to his inmost sense as his place, and what he experiences while he is in arms is acceptable to his continuum, fulfills his current needs and contributes correctly to his development. He cannot qualify his impression of how things are. Either they are right or not right.

(*For clarity sake alone, I will be referring to your baby as ‘he’ in this chapter and the mother as ‘she.’ This does not in any way infer that I prefer boy babies to girl babies. I love both equally!)

Requirements are strict at this early date. As we have seen, he cannot hope if he is uncomfortable now, that he will be comfortable later. He cannot reason that ‘mother will be right back’ when she leaves him [especially if she doesn’t answer his cries which are his only means of communicating with the universe.] The world has suddenly gone wrong, conditions are intolerable. He hears and accepts his own weeping but although his mother knows the sound and its meaning since time immemorial, and so does any child or adult who hears it, he does not. He  senses only  that it is a positive action toward setting things right, but if he is left to cry too long, if the response it is meant to elicit does not come, that feeling departs as well, giving way to utter bleakness without time or hope.

When his mother does come to him, he simply feels right, he is not aware that she had been away, nor does he remember having cried. He is reconnected to his lifeline and his environment now meets his expectations. When he is abandoned, put out of his continuum or correct experience, nothing is acceptable and nothing accepted. Want is all there is, there is nothing to use, to grow on, to fulfill the requirement for experience, for the experiences must be the expected ones and nothing in his evolving ancestors’ experience has prepared him to be left alone, asleep or awake, and even less to be left alone to cry. The feeling appropriate to an infant in arms is his feeling or rightness, or essential goodness.

Mammals, yes we humans included, were made in two groups: one are carriers, the other nesters. Deer and bears are in the nester group. They have their babies, hide them in a nest or den, lick off any odor and go off for hours to forage. Their milk, surprisingly, contains very high levels of fat, much more than human milk, so their babies can last longer, often up to 7 hours between feedings. Not so humans. Our babies need to eat every 2 - 3 hours or so. We often make them wait, though they try to tell us otherwise: they fret, fuss, cry, and scream. And we ignore them, listening instead to books or doctors and others who think they know.

Humans are actually carriers. Babies need to be with us. They are more helpless than other mammals. Have you ever wondered why? The reason is that, yes, we are the most intelligent species, but our babies are born unprepared for survival. Since our brains are so advanced, they grow faster in the first year (in utero included) than the brains of any other species. If we waited another 3 or more months to deliver our babies, their heads would be too big to fit our frames. So Nature had a toss-up: make mother’s hips and pelvises even bigger (horrors!) or have babies born sooner than they are in reality ready for. They are not as mature as other little mammals and do need us constantly for a longer period. Taken one step further, consider our foremother, Lucy, first discovered in 1974 and who currently resides at the Ethiopian National Museum in Addis Ababa, whose babies had to be carried, and in constant contact with her, 24 hours a day, day and night, for at least 2 years or until they could walk. Had she put them down, they would have been mauled or eaten. And we would not be here today.

My premise is that we are bringing stone age babies into a space age world.** Their needs have not changed in tens of thousands of years.  Their needs have not magically evolved over millennia.

But we treat them as if they have.

We are the only mammals who have devised an alternative feeding method from what Nature intended. We are also the only mammals who dress our baby mammals as soon as possible after they are born. Nowhere else than in our Western society does anyone ask, ‘what will I feed my baby?’ or ‘where will he sleep?’ Why have we so de-valued our instincts? Are we so afraid of them? After birth we put clothes back on ourselves, cover up and remain like that for most of their first year. Babies know, and try to tell us, that their right is to stay “in arms” until they feel secure enough to venture off into the wider world. We CAN trust them. They are closer and more in tune with what Nature has arranged than we are, with all of our learning.

Studies have been done measuring mothers’ hormone levels after birth, and those who kept their babies very close or wore their babies actually experienced better levels of hormonal activity postpartum compared to mothers who followed a more Western or traditional mode of newborn care and had their babies spend time throughout the day in a crib or cradle. Nature, it appears, had not just our babies’ welfare in mind when She gave us such helpless infants but She also had a plan for a mother’s recovery in the weeks and months after birth. It would be interesting to study the occurrence of postpartum depression in mothers who practice an ‘in arms’ continuum style of mothering.

My dear friend and favorite English midwife, Carolyn Flint teaches in her childbirth education series that after baby is born, you should go home, if you aren’t there already, take off your clothes, and your baby’s clothes (nappies and diapers allowed) and go to bed with your baby mammal for 14 days. This will ensure the right amount of skin-to-skin contact (almost constant), establish a good milk supply by nursing on demand, gives you, Mom, time to rest and recover and bond with baby. In most other cultures – leave it to our Western culture to miss this one – a new mother will be cared for by her relatives and friends, making it her sole job to explore the early bonding cues between her and her baby. Once she is ready to get up and resume some of the running of the household, what happens to baby? Again, it is only in our modern world that we have either forgotten the important things here, or consciously chosen to listen to the “experts” while discounting our instincts, but whatever the cause, we think we are done meeting the needs of our newborns.

 They are assumed to be able at this point to wait longer to feed, and sleep longer, even through the night, and not need to feel close to another human being, though all these are still part of his right-ness, his continuum expectations.Wearing your baby will free your hands to cook or do chores and gives your baby the time he needs close to you in those early weeks and months. We know the earliest Native Americans carried babies in cradleboards, often hanging them in trees while they worked so that their littlest people could keep track of them.

In many countries around the world, babies are still carried or worn in slings or carriers not very different from those worn by their ancestors. It is only in countries that are determined to imitate if not outdo us in America that we see buggies, prams and strollers taking the place of the age-old custom of carrying small babies, often until they could walk.

Many baby supply stores have different kinds of baby carriers and wraps and often hold a “baby wearing clinic” where you can learn how to use the different kinds and try them out. Some clinics also hold classes on carriers. There are numerous websites that give instructions for sewing your own, how to wrap them, and where to order them. We used a Hmong baby carrier for all of our babies. They are worn in front from the first day until baby is big enough to enjoy watching the world over your shoulder. We were comfortable even when our babies were 2 or 3 years 

old and could walk.

We would carry them if we were hiking and they had tuckered out. I could nurse from inside the carrier when they were small and untie it without totally unwrapping them when they fell asleep and just lay them down in the carrier. The Hmong carriers were big enough to use as a floor blanket for our babies to scoot around on, and were decorated with yarn flowers and batik which was very fun for babies to look and pull at (above).

A Review of Baby Carriers

by Kathy Ireland

"What type of baby carrier is the most comfortable and practical for all-day wearing?"

This is a question we often receive at the Network, and one I needed an answer to when pregnant with my youngest daughter, born eleven months ago. I was looking for a carrier that could be worn on the front, side and back, was easy to use, and comfortable when worn all day.

What follows is my experience with and opinions of several styles of baby carriers: The New Native Baby Carrier, three brands of the two-ring style sling, a rebozo, the Baby Bundler, and a backpack. These carriers reflect my concern for my daughter's healthy spine development, which eliminated many of the brands found in department and baby

stores. I did not try any of the carriers that are strapless, tie on the chest, and put the baby in back because as a breastfeeding mother I didn't want to risk a breast infection due to a plugged duct with something tied tightly on my chest, and I don't think the back position is convenient with newborns.

While each of these carriers is a good product, each has its advantages and disadvantages. All come with complete instructions, and are machine washable. Other than the backpack, all allow you to discreetly nurse a baby while in the carrier. I do not think a perfect carrier exists, and what works best for me is to have several to choose from. My mood, my daughter's mood, and the activity we will be doing determines which I wear at a given time. This may sound extravagant, but the cost of four slings is cheaper than a crib, and much of the other paraphernalia parents often purchase. Let your friends give you a baby shower, and ask for several different styles or colors of carriers instead of a crib, stroller, playpen, swing, etc.

Two-Ring Style Sling DESCRIPTION: Many companies make this style of sling, which is roughly a cigar-

shaped piece of cloth that has two rings at one end. The other end has a short tail that is long and narrow and loops through the rings, forming a pouch for the baby. The sling is worn on one shoulder. The difference between manufactures is in the shape of fabric, the sizes the sling is offered in, the type of material and padding, the number of fabric and color choices, cost, and other variations in style. I have tried three brands of this style: The Original Baby Sling by Nojo, the Sling-Ezee by Parenting Concepts, and the Over the Shoulder Baby Holder (OTSBH). The Sling-Ezee is by far the most narrow of the three, and I only wore it for about five minutes total, before giving it away. The OTSBH is my favorite as its fabric is wider and makes a much bigger pouch for my 11 month old. (I no longer feel safe wearing her in the Nojo.) The OTSBH has added advantages of a metal pin in the tail to prevent it from slipping through the rings if the sling is worn incorrectly, more padding on the sides, a drawstring gathering on the padded shoulder, and flame resistant batting.

ADVANTAGES: This is one of the most versatile in carrying positions, allowing you to carry the baby in front lying down or sitting up, on your hip, or on your back. The way it adjusts using the rings means you can wear a newborn snug and high on your chest, and a few minutes later a toddler on your hip. It is one of the easiest to learn how to use.

DISADVANTAGES: It can be uncomfortable to wear for very long periods because of the rings and the way the fabric bunches up around them. It is fine for short periods however. I don't feel safe wearing my child in back in this sling, although I know it is done with older babies. The instructions recommend keeping a hand on the baby when bending down or over. The only accident I've had is when Meg was 5 or 6 months old in the Nojo

sling, facing outward sitting cross-legged, and I grabbed quickly for something while squatting. I didn't put a hand around her, and she flipped out and landed right on her face on the kitchen floor. Luckily it was only a fall of a foot or two and she wasn't seriously hurt, but it scared both of us. I don't think she would have fallen out if I had been wearing the New Native sling, and the OTSBH with its deeper pocket might also have prevented the accident.

COMMENTS: Although I didn't find the OTSBH comfortable enough for the all day wearing of the in-arms phase, once my daughter became mobile (around 6 month) it became my carrier of choice. From about 5-1/2 months on I didn't carry her much in the house unless she was feeling sick, but did carry her when we went on walks or did errands. I found the versatility of the OTSBH wonderful for a baby who wants to be on the floor crawling or standing when I'm in a store. During the last 6 months I have mostly been wearing her on my hip, or in front of me sitting upright with her legs straight out, and this sling is wonderful for these positions. This carrier has been endorsed by Jean Liedloff.

New Native Baby Carrier

DESCRIPTION: The NNBC is a big pouch that you can put a baby in horizontally, inclined, or vertically, and is worn over one shoulder. The material and design is uniform so if a baby falls asleep vertically, you can just slide the sling around a bit so the child is horizontal, without needing to rearrange the sleeping child at all. It is like wearing a one piece kangaroo pouch. A very wide piece of fabric goes over your shoulder and across your back. It comes in 100% organic cotton and 100% cotton. The 100% cotton solid colors are beautiful (royal blue, teal, purple, navy). The sling comes in five sizes.

ADVANTAGES: Of all the styles I've tried, this is the easiest to learn how to use — you just put it on and drop the baby in! It is also the most comfortable for long periods of use. The wide fabric over your shoulder is easily changed so that different points on your shoulder and back feel the weight. Its symmetrical

design makes it easy to switch shoulders. When your baby is a newborn and immobile, it is fairly easy to swing him or her around onto your back for brief periods of time.

DISADVANTAGES: The design that makes it so comfortable to wear is also its only drawback. It is not quickly adjustable in size, so you cannot use if for a newborn and a few minutes later use it for a toddler. I have size medium which has worked fine from the time Megan was a newborn (7 lbs.) to eight months (21 lbs.). Even if I can't use it when she is two years old, it will have been well worth it for the many hours it has served us well. Included with each sling are instructions for taking in a seam and temporarily making it a size smaller, or you can receive a credit towards a larger carrier when your child grows.

COMMENTS: When Megan was a month old I got the New Native Baby Carrier, which is my favorite for the in-arms phase because of its comfort. We moved when she was 2-1/2 months old and I literally wore her all day, except for diaper changes and a few nursings outside of the sling. I hardly even noticed she was there, and felt no soreness the next day. This carrier has been endorsed by Jean Liedloff.

Rebozo

DESCRIPTION: A rebozo is a large shawl traditionally used by Mexican women to carry their children and parcels, in addition to many other uses. It is worn over one shoulder. The four weaves offered by the Rebozo Way Project (RWP) are 28" to 31" wide and 94" to 104" long. You can also make your own rebozo.

ADVANTAGES: The fabric is wonderful!! The baby can actually see through the fabric, (opaque to everyone else) and it is incredibly soft yet strong. It is very thin, taking up little room when folded. I would love to have a hammock out of this material! The sling fits newborns and older children, and can be used in practically any position. Another advantage is that the sling conforms completely to your child, so it always fits easily no matter what position the child is in, or the size of the child. The New Native and two-ring carriers require you to fit the child to the sling somewhat. For this reason the rebozo feels very secure and safe, and is the only sling I use on my back. When Megan falls asleep in my arms in a stretched-out position, it is easy to wrap the rebozo around her and fasten her to me, instead of putting her in one of the other carriers. I've also used it to fasten her to me when she wants to be on my lap but can't sit up yet, and I'm using my hands (e.g., when working at the computer.) The fabric goes around both our waists, leaving her arms and legs free to wave around.

The rebozo is useful to have in our diaper bag for when my three year old gets tired of walking — I can wear her on my hip or back in the rebozo. (This is particularly useful on vacations when the four of us are sightseeing, we make sure we have two carriers with us.) The rebozo doubles as a shawl, so it is useful even when your child has grown. It can also be used as a blanket, beach wrap, table liner, belly binder for exercising while pregnant. 

DISADVANTAGES: Knowing that this carrier has been used for centuries by women and children in Central America, it seems strange listing any disadvantages at all. But as a mother in our western culture without other adults or older children around to help during the day, who didn't grow up seeing rebozos used daily, I found it had a long learning curve.

I didn't enjoy tying and retying the knot often, and used the same knot and position as long as I could. However, to get a snug fit when wearing a baby in different positions (e.g. horizontal, sitting upright), requires retying of the knot to take up more fabric. (Note: Some women wear rebozos without using knots, but I haven't tried that yet.) If you have another adult in the house or an older child, it will be much easier tying the baby on in various positions, and I heartily recommend you get a rebozo. It is more comfortable that the two-ring style, but not as comfortable as the New Native for all-day carrying during the in-arms phase. If the knot works its way onto the top of your shoulder it can hurt and needs to be readjusted so it's in front of or behind your shoulder. COMMENTS: I didn't buy my rebozo (from RWP) until Megan was five months old. Perhaps if I had bought it earlier, before I was so used 

to my NNBC and two-ring carrier, the learning curve would have seemed shorter. When I received it, Megan was at the age where she was just starting to ride on my hip, but needed to be fastened tightly to me as she couldn't sit up yet, and the rebozo is very good for that position!

The Rebozo Way Project offers four weaves for adult rebozos; rebozos for kids are also available. All are woven in Mexico. They also sell many useful brochures and a great documentary video that among other things, demonstrates how to tie eight different positions from newborn through toddler (including a newborn who decides to nurse during the demonstration!) I have watched the 25 minute video probably six times now for the sheer pleasure of seeing people to whom wearing a baby comes naturally.

The Baby Bundler

DESCRIPTION: This is an unique carrier that is worn on both shoulders at the same time. It is a long piece of cloth made from soft 100% cotton in great colors (light blue, teal, grape and black.) While holding baby against you, the cloth is wrapped around you both several times creating a secure bond, then tied in the back. Babies can be worn in front horizontally or vertically, or on back (with someone's help) vertically. 

It can be used with newborns through toddlers. Although it looks complicated to tie on, it is really very easy and I was able to do it on the first try.

ADVANTAGES: For anyone with back or shoulder problems, this carrier could be a lifesaver! Since it is worn on both shoulders, you don't need to remember to alternate shoulders to balance the stress on your body, as is needed with the previous three styles.

DISADVANTAGES: When my baby fell asleep vertically, it took a lot of adjusting to switch her to a horizontal position, which often woke her up. In the horizontal position, the baby's head can poke through the wrappings of fabric, so you need to be careful how you tie it and it may need readjusting after being worn for awhile. Although this style is great for the wearer's back, the vertical position is not good for a young baby's back. Chiropractor Rochelle Casses recommends babies not be worn in the Bundler in the vertical position until they can stand. (With my daughters this was around 7 months old.) Wearing baby on the back in the Bundler requires another person's help.

COMMENTS: Whether or not you will like this carrier depends a lot on personal preference. While I am not particularly fond of it, other Network members have said they love it and wore their babies throughout the in-arms phase in it.

Backpack

DESCRIPTION: By "backpack" I mean a carrier that has a metal frame, not an all-cloth back carrier, since all of the previous carriers can be worn on your back. There are many inexpensive backpacks available, but they often don't provide good support for the child and are uncomfortable when worn for long periods. I bought our backpack at a camping/outdoor store, and it is constructed using the same principles as mountaineering backpacks. It distributes the weight of my 30 lb. daughter very well; I only feel it on my hips, with no weight at all on my shoulders or back. Look for a backpack that is well padded (for you and child), has a high back for the child, has a foot rest, is easy to put on by yourself, and has adjustable straps to ensure a good fit for you and child. Our model has a sun shade that attaches to the top, which has prevented sunburn many a time. It also has a pouch under the child's seat, which holds as much as a diaper bag. A backpack is definitely not a necessity, but is nice to have when your child is older. I started using our when my eldest daughter was a little

over a year old: she was walking, but was too young to keep up with us when we were walking for exercise, or sightseeing when traveling.

ADVANTAGES: When a child is old enough to walk but doesn't have the endurance to walk as long as you do, a backpack has several advantages over a stroller. You can take an adult's long stride without hitting the stroller axle, you can go over rough terrain, the child gets a much better view, and you can feel safe in crowds knowing the child is connected to you.

DISADVANTAGES: Although it's no problem if you are with another adult, if you are by yourself it's tough to attend to little needs like putting on a hat, wiping a nose, etc. since the child is behind you. I followed a friend's advice and carry a small mirror so I can check on her. It is also not the most comfortable position to sleep in — by sure to carry a towel or small blanket to cushion a sleeping head.

COMMENTS: Good ones are expensive, anywhere from $70 to $150. Ours is made by Tough Traveler and cost around $120 with a sun shade. It makes a great baby shower present from a relative who wants to buy a crib, automatic swing or playpen!

Summary

When purchasing a carrier, ask the following:

Can a baby be worn in front, on the side, and in back?

Will the carrier accommodate the child from birth through toddlerhood?

Can a child be transferred from one wearer to another without being taken out of the sling?

If a baby falls asleep vertically, can he easily be moved to a horizontal position without being taken out of the carrier? Can a baby be put into all carrying positions by the wearer, or is another person's help necessary?

Is it possible to easily adjust the carrier so that different points on your body feel the weight?

Does the carrier let the baby be worn in many different positions? For example, horizontal facing toward wearer, horizontal facing up, inclined with legs stretched out, inclined with legs folded underneath, vertical facing outwards with legs folded underneath or in front, vertical facing outwards with legs stretched out, etc. A carrier with limited positions won't meet a baby's changing needs and desires.

Other excellent resources:

1. SlingRings at http://www.slingrings.com/PO Box 27
Laveen, AZ 85339
888-369-3509 for making your own sling kind of carrier
2. http://www.tccmaven.com/resources/sling.html

With permission: Copyright ©1998 by The Liedloff Society for the Continuum Concept,  www.continuum-concept.org

Stay Tuned: This and other stories will be appearing in the book, Stone Age Babies in a Space Age World:** Babies and Bonding in the 21st Century© pending by Stephanie Sorensen

**This phrase was first coined by Dr. James McKenna, used here with permission and gratitude for his work. A world-renowned expert on infant sleep – in particular the practice of bed sharing, he is studying SIDS and co-sleeping at his mother-infant sleep lab at Notre Dame University. He is the author of “Sleeping With Baby: A Parent’s Guide to Co-sleeping,” 2007, Platypus Media, Washington, D.C.

Rosemary

I did not meet Rosemary because I was in need of a midwife, but because her Quaker family hosted folk dancing every Saturday near the college campus where I lived and my girlfriend Laura did not want to check it out alone. They also made space in their home for Sunday silent worship. During the week the house was home to Rufus Jones School, a private open school that they started back in the 1960s. Rosemary and Howard raised 6 children in this house. It was yellow. There was a row of Dutch wooden shoes neatly lined up by the back door, ready for chores. Most days in Washington State start out muddy.

 Known for its record levels of rain, the joke among the locals is that you can only tell that summer has come if the rain feels warmer. Over the years they raised ducks, chickens, cats, dogs, goats, horses, sheep and several strays, like me. The year I was 16 found me at my lowest ever, emotionally, but Rosemary could somehow read hearts and invited me to live with them. That spring changed my life forever.

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."  ~ Maya Angelou 

Rosemary was a pioneer, way ahead of her time. In the 60s she trusted her own intuition and homebirth before anyone else did. She was a precursor to the home- and un-schooling guru John Holt, who advocated “an extravagance of creative space” in order for children to learn properly. She understood what was troubling teenagers in the U.S. during the tumultuous 1960s long before others even began speculating, and many still don’t know what that was all about today. She said that if children had not met with enough affection when they were growing up and especially during the unlovable, often obnoxious teen stage that they will simply look for it outside of their families, and jump into bed without a second thought with anyone offering a hug.

Every night during the time I lived with Rosemary’s family I would climb under the patchwork quilt on my bed and wait for the last ritual of the day: Rosemary would go from room to room to each of her own children and whoever else was in the house at the time, candle in hand, her long hair brushed out and flowing over her shoulders in her floor length nightgown and tuck us in.  

Years later when we were visiting, back before we had children of our own over 32 years ago now, Rosemary invited my fiancé and me on a picnic outing and hike with their family up to Table Mountain just west of Mount Shuksan in the Washington State Cascades. Two things stand out in my memory of that day: one, that the 12 of us had to wait for what seemed like forever for the bread to finish getting baked so we could pack up and leave (that bread was worth waiting for!) and two, when we stopped for gas half way there, little 3 ½ year old Elizabeth started drawing a picture to pass the time and Rosemary politely asked one of her sons who was the driver to wait before starting the car so Elizabeth could finish her creation without bumping along on the road. I couldn’t believe my ears! We were all supposed to wait for a three year old for as long as it might take to finish her drawing? Yes, that is exactly what we were going to do. What I struggled with was not the fact that they had a seemingly endless amount of patience and respect for children, but that I had never before experienced that level of care and concern for such little people. I have never forgotten that lesson.

There were other lost young people like me over the years. Unwed mothers whose babies she ‘caught;’ people suffering in body and mind, all nursed back to health by Rosemary’s unconditional love, and sometimes with a little help from her famous watermelon cleansing diet, too! Margie’s babies were helped into the world by their grandma, though two didn’t stay with us for long. Margie and Stephen’s first baby, Rose only lived for a day being born with multiple unusual congenital birth defects that had no medical recourse and were not compatible with life. Then she birthed a healthy baby, Elizabeth before tiny Emily came along. They brought Emily to Children’s Hospital in Seattle, which is one of the best in the nation, and in trying to help her, they contacted other hospitals, among them John’s Hopkins, but no one had ever seen quite that set of anomalies before. Margie brought her home and cared for her for all 7 months of her little life, feeding Emily with an preemie nipple since she could not suck properly because of a cleft palate, keeping her warm inside her blouse years before anyone had thought up kangaroo care. 

In Margie's own words, "We believe that the Lord allowed these defects for a purpose; certainly we saw the hand of the Lord in every aspect of our care for them. It is not a burden to take care of your own baby even when you know she will not live to grow up. I did “wear” Emily a lot.  But I did not know about kangaroo carrying and the value of skin to skin contact.  Both Stephen and I had grown up with very nurturing mothers who did not let babies cry, and so the front pack or a sling, smaller than those used now, was an obvious choice, especially with Emily. I often zipped her inside my jacket and went for walks with her and Elizabeth.  Emily was clearly happiest when she was being worn and carried.  Rosemary, with her interest in other cultures, had already concluded that most other cultures tie the baby onto the mother, so she used a Japanese style carrier for Stan, and I liked that idea, but chose the front pack (with all my babies) because I could manage it myself.  We carried them all kinds of ways!"

Kangaroo care is a method of holding a baby that involves skin-to-skin contact. The baby, who is naked except for a diaper and a piece of cloth covering his or her back (either a receiving blanket or the parent's clothing), is placed in an upright position against a parent's bare chest. This snuggling of the infant inside the pouch of their parent's shirt, much like a kangaroo's pouch, led to the creation of the term "kangaroo care."

Kangaroo care came about as a response to the high death rate in preterm babies seen in Bogota, Columbia, in the late 1970s. There, the death rate for premature infants was 70 percent. The babies were dying of infections, respiratory problems, and simply due to lack of attention. Researchers found that babies who were held close to their mothers' bodies for large portions of the day, not only survived, but thrived.

When I was visiting Rosemary after we started our own family, and it was time for supper, my toddler kept pushing away all of the little tidbits I was offering him, all except the oranges. I was getting impatient with Avi and wanted him to at least try some of the yummy salad or beans or cheese. Rosemary patiently explained that I should rather trust his instincts and let him eat two whole oranges and nothing else if that is what he wanted. I couldn’t agree and thought that this would only spoil him, but she pointed out that he wouldn’t become spoiled. She told me about a study she had read -- she was also a skilled nutritionist -- where they had studied a group of toddlers and had offered them selections of uncooked fruits and vegetables and plainly cooked meats and eggs, unseasoned, unsalted and not mixed with gravies or butter. All of the foods were in their original state as far as possible. The researchers noted what each child ate, three times a day, for one week. At the end of the week they tallied up all of the calories and nutrients and found that although some of the children had eaten only eggs or only oranges at one meal and nothing else, that by the end of the week all of the children had consumed a full complement of vitamins, minerals, carbohydrates and proteins. “Child and Family Magazine” published the study but is no longer in existence. I wish it were.

So I let Avi eat two oranges and the next day he woke up with a cold, which Rosemary assured me would have been much worse had he not eaten a fruit-only supper. As a result since then I have never made any of my children finish everything on their plates, or even insisted they try a little of everything, though I caution them to take only what they will eat. I have never had a picky eater and find that, to the contrary, they are all very international in their choices of food, and none are obese.

I look back now and realize how many things that I learned from Rosemary have shaped how I mother in particular and how I look at life in general. When I was living in New York a few years ago and heard that Rosemary had died, already 93, I immediately called Howard to offer my condolences. In his 90s, ever the philosopher and professor he summed it up this way in his slow, patient drawl: “Well, it was quite a funeral. An awful lot of people said an awful lot of nice things about Rosemary.”

So I now imagine an eternity – my eternity - with Rosemary as part of that picture. After birthing so many babies and never taking payment for her services, she has herself been born into a new life. When her granddaughter Anna Rosemary Harris (pictured below) tragically died in an accident this past April 2^nd while visiting friends in Taiwan, my first thought was, “but Rosemary will take care of her now.” Tim, Anna's father was only 14 when I went to live with Rosemary’s family. A few years later I had been privy to his getting to know Ellen and eventually their wedding. I watched Stanley grow up from a preadolescent 10 year old into a fine mustached young man and father. With the rest of the family I too welcomed Margie when Stephen married and they started their family. Heather and Holly were older than me, but both were the older sisters I had wished for and never had, till then. And David, the eldest son was my quiet, gallant big brother. Through the years we have moved away and gone back to visit, always catching up just where we had last left off.

I flew to Bellingham for Anna’s funeral. She had just turned 19. Her two sisters, Sofia, 17 and Emily, 15 were devastated, as was the rest of the family. There was little I could say that would take away any of the pain, but I knew I had to be there and just bring what love I could. I wrote in the memory book in the back of the church: “We will all miss Anna, but Rosemary was at her birth, which wasn’t an easy one, and I know Rosemary will be midwifing Anna into Heaven now.”

With an unshakable trust in the Holy Spirit Rosemary traveled the earth bringing peace and more than just an inner sense of rightness. In her quiet, determined way she brought us all along on the journey with her, healing some, encouraging others, and affirming those in doubt. I am confident she can see us and might even be able, from where she is now, to bestow blessings still.

Written with the permission of Rosemary's family July, 2013.

The Ultimate Bonding Model

"Never doubt that a small group of committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has." – Margaret Mead

Only a few years ago I discovered what I believe is the ultimate model of bonding. This way of life was researched first by Dr. Margaret Mead in her work in New Guinea during the 1950s and written about in her numerous books and papers. She was the first anthropologist to observe aboriginal grand-mothers re-lactating and nursing their grandchildren in order to give their own daughters the rest they needed after childbirth. Following her lead came along a little-known, obscure explorer named Jean Liedloff (1926 – 2011). She only wrote one book during her career. A former model for Vogue in Paris, Leidloff (above) was the most unlikely non-scholar to make the discoveries that she did. Her story is an incredible series of events that eventually brought her keen mind to the brilliant, seminal work on bonding or maternal-infant attachment that she did, though she looked at it rather as a way of life to preserve the species and not as a single commodity that could be incorporated into one’s lifestyle in order enhance the intelligence or well-being of children. To her it was a journey back to the Stone Age, literally.     

An obituary says that she died at the age of 84 in the pre-dawn hours on her houseboat where she lived with her Abyssinian cat named Tulip in Sausalito, California on March 15, 2011. Ms. Liedloff was born on November 26^th, 1926 in New York City. She grew up on the Upper West Side of Manhattan and graduated from Drew Seminary for Young Women. She went on to attend Cornell University for one year. In 1951 she traveled to Europe. Once there she began working as a model for Paris Vogue. She learned French, Italian and Spanish, without formal language studies and began taking occasional work as an interpreter.

With letters of introduction from her elite connections, Jean traveled to Florence, Germany and the French Riviera. In high-society at that time, the gossip of the day was the “Party of the Century.” Crowned heads of state, movie stars, dignitaries, artists, writers and everybody who was anybody had been invited to Palazzo Labia for a masquerade ball hosted by millionaire Carlos de Beistegui, a well-known flamboyant character. It was at the ball that Jean met the two Italians who invited her to join them on a hair-brained scheme to mine for diamonds in the South American jungle which would soon seal her destiny as an explorer.

Over the next several years Ms. Liedloff made five expeditions to Venezuela, first to hunt for diamonds (they did find a few, by the way) and then to spend more than two and a half years among aboriginal tribes deep in the rainforest. She returned to New York and Rome during the intervals of her explorations and gained considerable attention for her adventures. She began to meet with Margaret Mead and many other intellectual elite of that era, some of whom questioned what a young woman without a college degree could possibly have to say. Ms. Liedloff’s response was unapologetic. She believed her unlettered status allowed her mind to remain free of constructs that could have hindered her capacity to see the Indians and learn from that experience.

Her friend and editor of the Paris Review, George Plimpton encouraged her to write a book as her unique insights she’d gained from living amongst the Yequana and the Sanema tribal groups began to coalesce into an astounding work on human nature. Ms. Liedloff's astute observations and keen insight eventually gave birth to The Continuum Concept, which was first published in 1975 by Duckworth of London, with later editions done by Perseus Books, of Reading, Massachusetts. The book and Ms. Liedloff's original genius garnered considerable recognition from names such as Gloria Steinem, Jonas Salk, George Leonard (Esalen Institute), Frank Lake (Primal Integration Therapy), Adam Yarmolinsky (the Kennedy Brain Trust), artist Andrew Wyeth, and even legendary singer-songwriter John Lennon who found in her words deeply comforting "home truths." In the first segment of their documentary film, Bringing up Baby, Tamsin Greig, Anna Davies, Daisy Goodwin, Tanya Shaw and Sam Grace show some actual footage of Jean Liedlff during one of her expeditions to the Yequana people. The film* documents three parenting “experts” mentoring 6 families from the day they bring their babies home from the hospital. Three distinct styles are applied and the outcomes rated after several months; a very ‘telling’ message. 

Ms. Liedloff clarifies and champions what she termed the "in-arms phase." The vital importance of this period in a child's life has never been more clearly understood and articulated as it was by this woman whose own childhood had left her bereft of the much-needed living connection with mother that secures a growing infant's sense of being both worthy and welcome. Mothering Magazine named Ms. Liedloff a "Living Treasure" in 2007, and although she never had children of her own, she fully embraced motherhood and experienced it vicariously by encouraging millions of mothers to follow nature's clear and unambiguous imperatives. She supported thousands of parents directly through phone consultations and writings, and remained in touch with her many followers and devoted friends from around the world throughout her final days. I personally consider her the foremost authority on bonding and credit her with the most complete description of what bonding and mother-infant attachment should look like.         

So, what was she seeing in the jungles of Venezuela? In her own words, “Birth cannot be thought of as marking a baby’s completion like the end of an assembly line, for some complements have already been ‘born’ in the womb and others will not become operative until later. Fresh from the series of expectations and their fulfillments in the womb, the newborn is expectant, or more accurately, certain that his next requirements will also be met. What happens next? Through tens of millions of generations, what happens is the momentous transfer from the entirely alive surrounding inside the mother’s body to a partly live one outside it. Though her all-giving body is there and her supporting arms as well, there is a great deal of lifeless, alien air touching the infant’s body. But he is ready for that too; his place in arms is the expected place, known to his inmost sense as his place, and what he experiences while he is in arms is acceptable to his continuum, fulfills his current needs and contributes correctly to his development. He cannot qualify his impression of how things are. Either they are right or not right.         

"Requirements are strict at this early date. As we have seen, he cannot hope, if he is uncomfortable now, that he will be comfortable later. He cannot reason that ‘mother will be right back’ when she leaves him [especially if she doesn’t answer his cries which are his only means of communicating with the universe.] The world has suddenly gone wrong, conditions are intolerable. He hears and accepts his own weeping but although his mother knows the sound and its meaning since time immemorial, and so does any child or adult who hears it, he does not. He  senses only  that it is a positive action toward setting things right, but if he is left to cry too long, if the response it is meant to elicit does not come, that feeling departs as well, giving way to utter bleakness without time or hope. When his mother does come to him, he simply feels right, he is not aware that she had been away, nor does he remember having cried. He is reconnected to his lifeline and his environment now meets his expectations. When he is abandoned, put out of his continuum or correct experience, nothing is acceptable and nothing accepted. Want is all there is, there is nothing to use, to grow on, to fulfill the requirement for experience, for the experiences must be the expected ones and nothing in his evolving ancestors’ experience has prepared him to be left alone, asleep or awake, and even less to be left alone to cry. The feeling appropriate to an infant in arms is his feeling or rightness, or essential goodness."

Let us continue by saying what she was not seeing. Liedloff was amazed to watch infants and toddlers of the Yequana Native People and not see tantrums, crying babies, fussy flailing children arching their backs or whining for what they wanted. Rather the infants were ‘soft’, easy to carry, non-demanding. Unlike Western babies, they didn’t need to ‘cry it out’ when they were tired. They also didn’t need to be entertained 24-7. They were simply brought along wherever the mother or person caring for them needed to be throughout the day. They slept with their mothers, rode on her hip or was carried until they were old enough to crawl those first few tentative steps away from her, but that only happened through the child’s initiation, not the parent’s. The babies appeared to be so secure through this ‘in arms’ way of life that they ventured farther afield as they matured into very independent, autonomous little people. They knew their place ‘in arms’ was still there to check back to should they need it. Rather than being constantly indulged and catered to, they were simply part of the continuum of life that the former generations had experienced.

It was enough stimulation for one day just being brought along while his mother worked, bathed in the river, walked through the jungle, prepared food, ate, and visited with other members of the tribe. He didn’t appear to need toys, specific games, educational ‘moments’, or even extra attention. He was simply there, absorbing all that was going on around him; learning what he needed to learn, observing what he needed to understand for his own development. His mother wasn’t bored to tears, alone with a baby at home day after day. She didn’t spend her days in baby-only activities. She interacted with her peers constantly. She didn’t shift her life from a career with purpose to a stay-at-home lonely mother. Her life went on. The only difference was that she was toting along a normally silent partner now. He would signal that he wanted to eat and she hardly had to wonder what his needs were. It did not occur to her to offer him different options for his choosing. He had enough to do just watching the busy lives of his tribe while he went along for the ride. This was rightness. This was his place in the continuum. He was welcomed into the inner circle of his people. He was not relegated to the periphery. He slept, ate and observed.        

There were more than enough interesting sights and sounds to stimulate his little brain. His need for touch continued from the moment he left the womb. There was never a question whether he was bonding with his mother and the wider family. And there was never a question of his mother not feeling fulfilled. Her life as an adult continued. No records of postpartum depression here. This is very important. We in the Western World simply take it for granted that the new mother will become isolated from her former life and career once her baby is born. It will become extremely hard to arrange meetings with her friends, much less daily interaction. She will be interacting with only one person for the majority her waking time – her baby. All of her activities will be aimed at pleasing or placating this little person. Of course, we hope that she will be in love with him, but very few of her needs will be met in this arrangement. Play dates will put her back in contact with other mothers but they will most likely compare the latest  educational toys or discuss vaccines or baby food – not particularly stimulating adult conversation.      

Studies have been done measuring mothers’ hormone levels after birth, and those who kept their babies very close or wore their babies actually experienced better levels of hormonal activity postpartum compared to mothers who followed a more Western or traditional mode of newborn care and had their babies spend time throughout the day in a crib or cradle. Nature, it appears, had not just our babies’ welfare in mind when She gave us such helpless infants but She also had a plan for a mother’s recovery in the weeks and months after birth. It would be interesting to study the occurrence of postpartum depression in mothers who practice an ‘in arms’ continuum style of mothering.

          This is so very similar to my own observations while living with Hmong immigrants in the 1970s and ‘80s. (See the Primitive Bonding story at this blog in the June story list.) My own babies also felt ‘soft’ rather than fussy and stiff, which was Ms. Liedloff’s experience comparing Western babies to those she observed during her expeditions.

More reading about continuum bonding:

 www.perseubooks.com 
http://www.continuum-concept.org/
http://www.continuum-concept.org/forum/index.html
* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mSbrA3eO8A4 – the film mentioned above

See: http://www.flickr.com/photos/lfdeale/238390211/in/photostream/ for more photos from Jean Liedloff

Having a highly trained obstetrical surgeon attend a normal birth is analogous to having a pediatric surgeon babysit a healthy 2 year old. ~ M. Wagner

STAY TUNED... This and other stories will be appearing the book, Stone Age Babies in a Space Age World:§ Babies and Bonding in the 21^st Century,© or "Call the Doula! a diary"© both pending by Stephanie Sorensen

§This phrase was first coined by Dr. James McKenna, used here with permission and gratitude for his work. A world-renowned expert on infant sleep – in particular the practice of bed sharing, he is studying SIDS and co-sleeping at his mother-infant sleep lab at Notre Dame University. He is the author of “Sleeping With Baby: A Parent’s Guide to Co-sleeping,” 2007, Platypus Media, Washington, D.C.

The Doula Diary July 4th

I have been asked to be ‘housemother’ today at the Missionaries of Charity Women’s Shelter. Four nuns live here and make a home for up to 7 homeless pregnant women and their children at a time. This order of sisters was founded by Mother Teresa (now Blessed Mother Teresa as she is being elevated by the Catholic Church to sainthood). Each summer the nuns run a day camp for inner city children several days a week. All of the nuns can go if someone can run the house in their absence, so I got the request from Sister Rosetta last week. I love coming here. It is the most beautiful shelter I have ever seen, and I have been at a few. An old converted 3-storey apartment building, it is kept immaculately clean. There is a chapel, a floor for the nuns’ dormitory and dining room, another floor with classrooms and laundry and two halls for the guests, as the mothers are called. The sisters cook all the meals and make sure the women are helped to find a permanent home and all the resources they will need after their baby is born.

Today there are 4 resident women and three toddlers. I haven’t figured out who belongs to whom yet. The kids are sitting in the living room sharing a carton of Pringles. Two of the women just got back from shopping. They are unloading their some of their favorite snacks and things that might not get donated to the shelter, and I see they also made a trip to the pharmacy to get their prenatal vitamins. One woman in the farthest room down the hall has chosen to leave this morning so she is packing her 2 suitcases. She wants to rather stay with friends and wait there for her baby to come. The nuns expect her back in a few days. Sleeping on someone’s couch gets old pretty fast.

The last lady at the house is resting in her room. I go down to say hi. She miscarried the week before. She is mom to one of the toddlers eating chips. She is doing OK. She tells me she needs to get her life organized better before she has another baby anyway. I tell her I am sorry to hear about the miscarriage. I tell her it is always hard to go through, no matter what your situation is.

Just then the doorbell rings. It is a public health nurse on a home visit. The hospital alerted her office that one of their new moms might needs extra support so she is here to see her. I show her to the living room and let Alex know the nurse is here to see her. The doorbell rings again, so I go back down to answer it. It is a homeless woman, middle age, asking for money. I tell her the sisters won’t be home until after 4 p.m. She says she can wait, but I am not sure about bringing her into the house when they are not home, so I suggest she goes up to the coffee shop on the corner perhaps, and wait there. She says she doesn’t want to walk that far and asks to use the bathroom, so I escort her through the house counting heads to make sure I know where everyone else is. That done, she asks for something to drink. Of course I can’t send her back into this heat without some water, so I get her a glass. I rummage through the pantry and fill a bag with granola bars and fresh fruit and give that to her. I am still not sure what to do, so I suggest she make herself at home in the shade in the garden in the front of the house and get her a blanket to lie on. She is asleep within minutes. The woman with the suitcases leaves as a taxi pulls up to the house.

Back in the house there are chips flying all over the room and getting pounced on by the children. Yes, guys, they crunch when you step on them. I get out the broom and clean it up. The public health nurse continues to fire questions at Alex and type in her answers on the laptop balanced on her knees while I sweep. I go back to the kitchen and meet one of the ladies as she puts away the last of the groceries from their outing. She is expecting her first baby. She is a beautiful girl, barely 18. She asks if I am a nun. No, I tell her. I am a grandma, a midwife and a doula, and I also teach breastfeeding classes. She announces, “Oh! I ain’t gonna do that! It HURTS!” So we get into a pretty interesting conversation. I tell her that it shouldn’t hurt, and if one of her friends is telling her that, then she didn’t get help with her baby’s latch and he was probably chewing on the tip of her nipple, and yes, that hurts! She says she has met a doula – the hospital gave her some numbers to call – but she is afraid she can’t pay her. I snoop a bit and find out that she called a doula who wants to charge her the regular rate even though she is living in a homeless shelter. I tell her that isn’t acceptable. I explain that her medical insurance will pay for a doula, for a car seat and a breast pump and that next time I come I will put together a referral for her to get onto the program. She is delighted. So am I. She asks if I will teach her how to breastfeed her baby. (I have already mentioned that she will save over $1,800 a year in formula and her baby will have 85% less respiratory problems if she nurses. I told her I nursed my twins until they were past 2 years old and never had an ear ache in any of our 5 children.) Later I suggest doing a breastfeeding class right at the shelter the following week for all of the ladies and Sister Rosetta agrees.

My phone signals a text message. Two picture from my Muslim mama who had her baby last week. So cute!!! (See the story at this blog called, “Rethinking Obstetrical Drapes at Birth” under the July stories.) She is still really happy with her birth. When I last visited her, I asked if she knew she was that strong. She laughed and said, no, she never would have believed she could do what she did. Her husband added: “that baby, she is gonna be a strong one, too!” I told him that he will have 2 strong women to contend with now.

Two hours to go until the sisters get back. I wash up a sink full of dishes from breakfast and gather up the trash from all the rooms. I stop by a big bulletin board with pictures of all of the mothers with their babies who have come through this house. Four of the pictures are of ladies I referred to the shelter and was their doula at their births. I often wonder where they are now. Some have kept in touch while others just disappeared. I hope all are OK. I stand at the bulletin board and say a prayer for all of them, wherever they are.

I let the public health nurse out and check on the homeless woman still sleeping in the garden. At least it is shady. I read on the couch in the main sitting room until the nuns return. While I was rummaging around the laundry room for a blanket to give her, I noticed that they have a young woman staying with them in one of the rooms close to the cloister part of the house. When someone is interested in joining the order, they first write to Calcutta, to the mother house inquiring about visiting. Usually they will correspond over the next couple of months getting to know each other and at some point if the sisters feel she is a possible candidate, they will suggest a visit to one of the houses in the U.S. It is an open-ended visit, what Mother Teresa called, ‘Come and See’. Sometimes it becomes clear to the young woman that this is not what she imagined it would be like and she leaves. Other times the nuns might feel that she is not yet mature enough for this kind of a commitment and may counsel that she finishes college first or works for a year and then reapplies. But if both parties feel confident that this is a possible match, they will suggest that she stays on and works with the sisters for a few more months before deciding to join the novitiate. Novitiate is a further time of ‘growing into the life’ which usually lasts about a year which includes classes given by the Novice Mistress to better understand the rules and constitutions of the order and which form the young woman in the life of prayer.

In the early 1970s at one point I wrote to Mother Teresa asking to visit. I had visions of going to Calcutta and dying a martyr from leprosy. She wrote back saying that they were just starting a house in the Bronx in New York City and asked me to go there for a time. I was disappointed, silly 19 year old that I was, that I couldn’t go straight away to India – I had even started taking Bengali lessons – but I took a Greyhound bus the following week and lived and worked with the sisters in Harlem and the Bronx for the next several months. My health didn’t hold up to the rigors of religious life and I wasn’t up to the sacrifices this life demanded so I left, though I loved the time I had there. And now almost 40 years later I am working with the sisters once again. I never would have imagined our paths would again cross like this.

Finally they come home from camp carrying picnic coolers, water jugs, towels, beach balls, a huge pot of leftover hot dogs -- all the stuff of a hard day at the beach. It was a success, I gather, as they tell me about the children and all the fun they had together. I point out the homeless lady under the tree and they assure me they will figure out what to do to help her. I update them on the mom who left earlier in the day, and return the house keys to Sister Davis. I am glad it worked out that they could all go today. The sisters appear to have had as much fun as the kids. I gather up my things and head down the street to the Dairy Queen to visit my friend, Suzanne. She bought the place last year. A single mom, almost 44 years old, trying to raise 3 teenage boys, who just found out she was pregnant before the divorce. I try to see her at least once a week, bringing her flowers (no one else is) and encouraging her in little ways. I will be her doula this fall when baby is born and offered to help her at home for a week or two after she delivers. The funny thing is, she often ends up encouraging me, and drives me all over the Twin Cities whenever I need to do a home visit or when I have to bring a homeless woman to the shelter, and my husband has the car and it is my week to use the buses and trains. On her days off Suzanne and I will check out the thrift stores for baby clothes and stock up at the grocery discount warehouse here in town. She makes me a soy milk smoothie, refusing to let me pay for it. I sip my treat while we visit a bit and then I catch the next bus home and have an hour before David will be here. So I write in my doula diary. I didn’t do much today, but I am grateful that I am still able to help moms in little ways. I feel very blessed.

STAY TUNED... This and other stories will be appearing in one of the books, Call the Doula! a diary© or Stone Age Babies in a Space Age World:§ Babies and Bonding in the 21^st Century,© 
pending by Stephanie Sorensen

§This phrase was first coined by Dr. James McKenna, used here with permission and gratitude for his work. A world-renowned expert on infant sleep – in particular the practice of bed sharing, he is studying SIDS and co-sleeping at his mother-infant sleep lab at Notre Dame University. He is the author of “Sleeping With Baby: A Parent’s Guide to Co-sleeping,” 2007, Platypus Media, Washington, D.C.