I visited
later that morning and tapped on Rose’s* door. She called for me to come in.
Her 2 year old Elizabeth was bouncing up and down in her playpen, grinning from
ear to ear. Rose had Luke in her lap and was giving him a bottle. He looked
washed and had on a clean little outfit. Rose was dressed and her hair looked
nice, too. Not quite what I was expecting.
I had met Rose
before Luke was born at least once when I worked at the shelter earlier that
fall. She was usually upbeat and friendly. Hannah was a handful but awfully
spunky and bright. I picked her up and sat down on the end of the bed and asked Rose how things were. She told me about the birth, how he was such a good baby, how
she was looking into a permanent situation for her little family with her
social worker, and so on. She mentioned that she didn’t want to go back east to
an abusive father and addicted boyfriend. She really wanted to go back to
school and get her life back on track. I encouraged her and told her that she
was still so young and could do so much. I had returned to school after five children, so she should be able to manage with two. Elizabeth: right
Sometimes
women only exhibit symptoms of bipolar disease for the first time after having
a baby. If they are referred they can work with a doctor and have it under
control quickly. We have all these fears about sharing our feelings when they
don’t seem to be in line with what is going on in our lives: we’ve just had a
beautiful, healthy baby. Shouldn’t I be happy? Grateful? Cheerful? I shouldn’t be
crying all the time, or having scary thoughts or flipping out, should I? No one
would understand if I told them even half the
things I am thinking, right? Will they take my baby away and put me in a
hospital?
Postpartum
depression is actually 100% curable. Research has now found that the flood of
hormones released immediately during and after birth account for much of the
mood swings and problems women run into. The sooner you get help, the shorter
the time it will take to overcome this period. If we didn’t talk about it, it
would remain a taboo subject. And women would believe that they are the only
person to ever feel this way. The fact is that it is far more common than we
thought before. And there is more help than there ever was, too.
Postpartum
depression can occur anywhere from the first days or weeks after birth to anytime
during the first year after having a baby. If not treated, the symptoms can get
worse or postpartum psychosis could become an issue. What is crucial to
remember is that 1. It is 100% curable, 2. That you must seek help early, and
3. That no one is going to fault you for not being cheerful and happy or having
it all together. We simply aren’t made that way. I personally think this has
become even more prevalent in our Western society because we don’t have an
intact extended family system any longer. In other cultures women are cared for
after they’ve had a baby and are never left alone. They are free to rest as
much as they need and don’t have to cook, clean, tend other children, do
laundry, or lose sleep much less go back to work within weeks of delivering. We
are doing a disservice to our mothers in this country by ignoring this
important aspect of care. Many countries -- France, England, Denmark, Sweden
and Holland to name a few -- offer all mothers a helper for up to a year in the
home paid for by the government to
take the work off of new mothers so they have the time needed to bond with
their babies and recover. These governments understand that this investment
will pay off in the long run with healthier, happier families.
So I
suggested a plan for Rose. I asked her to call her local church ladies and find
someone who could watch her children for a few hours later that evening. Then I
told her I would go with her back to the hospital and we’d ask for her meds. I
suggested she try to ‘keep it together’ because I told her if they decided to
admit her and I had to refer her babies to foster care then I would be depressed, too. I was hoping
that they would believe me that I would be in contact everyday with Rose and
she wouldn’t be alone at the shelter at any time either. Supervision is important
for someone using strong medications, but I reasoned that she had been on it
before and tolerated the meds well then. She readily agreed and started
calling. I went home and took care of what I needed to finish up there (including
doula backup for the night for my other clients) and then later that day I picked
her up and we went to the hospital. I had packed some snacks thinking we would
be in the emergency room for hours, waiting our turn. This was one of the
biggest medical centers in the city and known for waiting room marathons.
Rose had
delivered there earlier that month so I knew her records were there. When we
got to the emergency department we settled in on a couch for the long haul and
I went up to the desk to register. I couldn’t believe it when the receptionist
told me they would call the resident doctor on the psych ward and had a room we
could wait in all ready, please come right this way. Wow, talk about service!
So we picked up our coats and snacks and bags with magazines and followed her
to a little room. We didn’t wait very long there, chatting about some of the
funny things Elizabeth has come up with since Luke was born. Then Rose asked me if
I noticed anything funny about the room. I looked around and said, first, there
weren’t any cupboards with meds or equipment. Right. What else? I noticed the
two chairs were bolted to the floor. Oh, I see. What else? Well, there’s a
window in the door. That’s right, she agreed. You couldn’t hurt yourself in
this place. Oh, I get it, I said. She explained that she was a veteran of the psych
wards and could spot the program a mile away. I told her that I was glad she
wanted to get her life back on track and that I really admired her for setting
goals like school for herself. We agreed that Minnesota had more programs than
most states for scholarships and other possibilities. We talked about some of
her ideas about different colleges and how to find out more information.
Then a
nurse from ‘upstairs’ came and introduced herself. I was immediately impressed
by how respectful yet straight forward she was. Rose talked about not being
able to get a new prescription even though she had asked for one and said she
was more than willing to be compliant, take her meds and attending therapy or
whatever else they recommended. Therapy could address many of her problems and
give her the help and support she needed during the time ahead. Then I told her
about Rose’s living situation and that I thought it was an ideal arrangement
for her to start back on her medication there. Soon a doctor came in and
introduced himself. The nurse filled him in and he readily agreed that our plan
sounded fine to him, too.
We both
thanked them profusely. They were really concerned, respectful and listening. I
don’t know what I expected, but this was amazing. We were a really great team,
all rooting for Rose to do well, all doing what we did best and coming together
to support her. I was so grateful. It changed my perception of the big,
impersonal medical center.
Rose
returned to the shelter and I checked in with her by phone daily. When it warmed
up finally, I met her and took her along with Elizabeth and Luke out to lunch. It
was scattered, like any meal with two little guys vying for attention is, but
we did manage a nice visit. Rose still has her ups and downs, but I don’t know
if I have ever been so proud of a young mom before. I know I haven’t met many
with as many obstacles in front of them and yet could overcome so much. We are
still in touch. She has her own apartment now. She is truly another amazing woman that I have been honored to know.
Steps to take if you have symptoms of depression or anxiety during or after pregnancy:
1. If you are having thoughts of
harming yourself or your baby, it is very important to get support immediately.
Call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.
§ Though it can be scary to ask for
help, they can help keep you and your baby safe and help you take the first
steps towards getting better.
2. Tell someone you trust how you
are feeling. It is important that you feel safe with the person and that they
support you in a non-judgmental way. Ask them to help you find support.
Examples of someone you can tell:
§ Your partner
§ A family member
§ A friend
§ A healthcare professional
§ A pastor or someone at your church
Other Resources:
Hennepin Women’s Mental Health Program, Minneapolis, MN, Dr. Helen Kim, MD
*Not her real name. All names and identifying characteristics
have been changed.
COMING SOON: This and
other stories will appear in one of these books soon: Call The Doula! a diary© and Stone Age Babies in a Space Age World: Babies and Bonding in
the 21st Century© pending by Stephanie
Sorensen
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