Birth Trauma and who is to blame

As a midwife, I have a strong conviction that the feelings of shame and guilt  in oneself, thinking you are weak and 'caved in' at the end if your birth ending up with interventions, namely an epidural, forceps, vacuum, or C-section, and the resulting disappointment is the result of the medical community and where the blame should lie. I feel that it is a grave disservice to all women that the medical community, first of all, in general, though some are the exception, has a long history of fear, that birth is a set of horrific problems waiting to happen, and at the other end of the spectrum, that as a midwife, I (or collectively) might have given my clients the false impression that I expect a 100% natural, easy, basically unassisted birth, and anything short of that is failure.
In fact, I am in awe of all of my moms from over the past 35 years that did their very best first to educate themselves and then find the best providers for themselves. That said, I have seen women who have experienced so many things that they might not even be able to admit to themselves, that color much of our make up: childhood abuse, substance abuse, failed relationships, hurt, neglect, gender issues, a lack of confidence, the list is virtually endless. 

If we lived in a perfect world, yes, none of those things would affect our births, but we don't. We have a whole lot of baggage to work with. That is why, when I find myself in an operating theater for a cesarean with one of my moms and we have just heard her baby cry, I whisper in her ear, "Sweetheart, you've done it! You are brilliant!" and I kiss her. I can't judge her. In some cases, if we had been in Venezuela, or Zimbabwe, she and her baby might not have survived.  I am grateful we weren't.

Blessings,

Stephanie Sorensen

Midwife, Author